The halfway mark

Here as we rapidly approach the middle of 2014, I find this year to be the best year of my life. Some may wonder, how is it that this year is better than the year I married my husband or the year I had my son. Let me explain. Almost six months ago I finally came to a point in my life where I knew I could no longer carry all the things I thought I had to carry. I checked myself into Banner Behavioral Health Hospital. It was a terrifying and amazing week that started me along the path I'm now on. After being in the hospital came 6 weeks of intensive outpatient therapy, 3 hours/3 days a week. During the first two months of the new year I spent endless hours trying to retrain my brain and learn healthy coping skills. I still struggle but I know as long as I work at it, there will be improvement. I no longer sleep 16 hours a day. My back pain, which seemed debilitating at times, is gone. I have so much more patience with the people in my life. I know I matter, not just to others but to myself. I can't remember the last time I truly mattered to myself, loved myself, or honestly a time when I wanted to live. I have always struggled with depression and anxiety. I remember going to the Royal Gorge Bridge as a 5 or 6 year old and looking out over the edge and just wanting to climb up on the railing and just let myself fall. For the first time in my life I want to live. I can see now that it's not to late to lose the weight. Not to late to travel, to see Stonehenge, white water raft, climb a mountain, or go to Machu Picchu. What makes this the best year is that I can now appreciate all the wonderful things in my life. As a result of this my son's life is improving. My marriage is better than I ever thought it could be. I can see now that there are many wonderful years to come filled with discovery and joy. I'm grateful for the support of my husband and son. I have also found, with help from my psychologist and counselors, amazing peer support groups.