No comments please

We are coming up on what was our little one's due date. I would like to say that time has eased some of our pain. Maybe someday we will get to say that. We have taken the day off, I don't think either of us could hold it together.

Christmas time- ornaments and cute little dresses make it impossible to make it through the store without crying. Having to hear about someones cute baby, it's enough to tear me up inside.

Raul- This has hurt him just as much as it has me. He holds himself together better though or just preoccupies himself more.

Why this post? just to work through things maybe.

Please

First I want to ask that noone respond to this post. So why am I writing it then? I just need friends and family to know that we still care. Please don't ask why we don't come to ANY family events anymore. We will not be around for Thanksgiving or Christmas. I can't, can't face the darling little kids, the glow and happiness on a pregnant woman's face. I don't want to see what I could of had. I can't take another comment about how we will get over it, how we can try again. It's not like we haven't been trying the last 15 years. We love you all. This is just something we(Raul, Kenny, and myself) have to deal with alone.

Hurt by NIN/Johnny Cash

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything


What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here


What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

It's a

I ahve a friend that is 2 weeks further along in her pregnancy than myself. I am afraid that I will be bitter towards her when I see her.

Anyways I was on Facebook and she posted what she was having and it reminded me of the ecard below.

Glory Baby

Glory Baby by Watermark


Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…


I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

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Well that was Patches helping me with my blog post. This cat is really something else. 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 oops there the kitty goes again. Now I can't even remember what i was gonna post.

My New Kitten

Raul got me a new kittie. He/she is only 8 weeks old. Currently we are calling the kitten Patches. Patches is soooooooo cute!