DysFUNctional

Don't take things personally

2011-02-11T08:29:00.002-07:00

I often have to remind myself that everyone around me is just like me. We are all doing the best we can, for who we are and what our situation is right now.

I too could have been a better mom, sister, daughter, wife or friend. I do the best I can when it comes to my child, same as my mom does. I have screwed up a lot. I'm sure other mothers feel the same. All I can do is hope Kenny can look back at his childhood and see that we did our best and there were good times had.

There have been times in my life where my sister needed me and I was not there or she felt like she couldn't turn to me. It goes the other way too. Don't do things to purposely her your siblings, you will need them later in life.

Friends, I think it is the hardest to be a true friend. I have had to walk away from several friends because I needed all my emotional resources for my own life.

Being a wife, one of the things that I have sucked at most. I have provoked arguments, said horrible things and contemplated harm against the man that I vowed to love the rest of my life. Those of you that know our history, I am not excusing the things he did to me. I can look back now and understand where our motives and emotions came from.

They say to learn from others mistakes. I don't really believe you can do that. To truly learn about life, love and relationships you have you put yourself out there and experience them. It will be painful at times. Not only for you but for those around you.

This year

2010-12-31T19:34:00.002-07:00

This year has brought about some changes in our lives, mostly changes within ourselves. I once again continue to work towards self awareness, who I am and who I want to be.

I will be going to college in the fall. Whether it's full-time or not will depend on what we qualify for and can afford. I was thinking psychology, but ultrasound tech sounds cool too.

I wish to find a new job. These hours suck ass.

Raul and I will continue to work on our marriage.

Kenny is doing well in his new school. Had a rough first month. Still wants to move back to old school, don't really understand why.

I feel that I have come to terms with the loss of our baby. However I am still angry with my doctor's office and several of their employees and IMS for the way things were handled.
We will not be trying to get pregnant again.

Right now I'm at a loss as to what to do about my own anxiety and depression. I want to seek therapy but not in Buckeye. Maybe I should do it the easy way and just increase my dosage.

Just a short summary of the year.

Little Yellow Dress

2010-05-09T09:13:00.003-07:00

I have this little yellow dress. I look at it this morning and wonder if my little girl would have still fit in it this Mother's Day or if she would have been like Kenny, tall for his age. Normally I don't even like yellow but when I saw this dress last year I knew my daughter would look beautiful in it. I never got to see her in that dress. When I imagine seeing her in heaven, she's wearing it.

We had so many hopes & so many plans, just like all brand new parents do. That's what it would have been like. Our Kenny is almost 16 years old, having another child would have been starting over in a sense.

I had dreams of her taking tap & baton classes just like I did. Maybe she would of shared my love of playing the flute. Raul would have been the one to teach her to ride a bike and when she got to Kenny's age he would have been the one to teach her to drive a car.

So here we are on Mother's Day. Kenny is doing the best he has since we moved back to Arizona. For this we are grateful yet in our hearts we feel something missing, someone missing. Our sweet little girl, our second child, the one we hoped and prayed for for so long.

I never got to hold you, but my arms feel so empty without you.

Author Unknown

2009-12-27T19:54:00.000-07:00

I AM FREE

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free
I'm following the path God laid for me
I took His hand when I heard Him call
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day, to laugh,
to love, to work or play.
Tasks undone must stay that way
I've found that peace at the close of the day.

If parting has left a void, then fill it
with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Ah, yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish for you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much
Good friends, good times,
a loved one's touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all to brief,
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your hearts and share with me,
God wants me now, He set me free.

No comments please

2009-11-24T21:17:00.002-07:00

We are coming up on what was our little one's due date. I would like to say that time has eased some of our pain. Maybe someday we will get to say that. We have taken the day off, I don't think either of us could hold it together.

Christmas time- ornaments and cute little dresses make it impossible to make it through the store without crying. Having to hear about someones cute baby, it's enough to tear me up inside.

Raul- This has hurt him just as much as it has me. He holds himself together better though or just preoccupies himself more.

Why this post? just to work through things maybe.

Please

2009-08-24T14:47:00.002-07:00

First I want to ask that noone respond to this post. So why am I writing it then? I just need friends and family to know that we still care. Please don't ask why we don't come to ANY family events anymore. We will not be around for Thanksgiving or Christmas. I can't, can't face the darling little kids, the glow and happiness on a pregnant woman's face. I don't want to see what I could of had. I can't take another comment about how we will get over it, how we can try again. It's not like we haven't been trying the last 15 years. We love you all. This is just something we(Raul, Kenny, and myself) have to deal with alone.

Hurt by NIN/Johnny Cash

2009-06-20T23:20:00.000-07:00

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

It's a

2009-06-19T22:33:00.003-07:00

I ahve a friend that is 2 weeks further along in her pregnancy than myself. I am afraid that I will be bitter towards her when I see her.

Anyways I was on Facebook and she posted what she was having and it reminded me of the ecard below.

Glory Baby

2009-06-17T19:32:00.001-07:00

Glory Baby by Watermark

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

2009-06-09T15:32:00.002-07:00

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Well that was Patches helping me with my blog post. This cat is really something else. 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 oops there the kitty goes again. Now I can't even remember what i was gonna post.

My New Kitten

2009-06-05T23:15:00.004-07:00

Raul got me a new kittie. He/she is only 8 weeks old. Currently we are calling the kitten Patches. Patches is soooooooo cute!

2009-06-01T12:30:00.001-07:00

was bleeding again. went to the ob's office insisted they see me. The baby has no heart beat. They say the baby stopped developing at 9 weeks or so. want to crawl in hole and die.

Thank You

2009-05-26T20:16:00.002-07:00

Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and in your prayers. Everything baby wise is fine.

My Grandpa refused to let the doctor go in and see what the damage was and what could have caused the heart attack. He signed himself out of the hospital against the medical advice of the doctors. My mom doesn't even think he will start taling the prescribed medication.

I am now bracing myself for the worst and hoping for the best.

Bad Weekend

2009-05-24T09:13:00.003-07:00

Yesterday started off like any other Saturday. We were going to work on the car and possibly go see family. Then came a call from my sister. Dad had called her and Grandpa had had a heartattack. It apparently happen 3 days prior to him going to the hospital.

Of course this upset me greatly and I wanted to take the next flight out. I was online looking for a flight and my worst fear started to happen. I started to bleed. I had Raul call my OB's office, they said if I start having alot of pain or if it got heavy to go to the ER.

Well the bleeding has stopped. I still won't be going to be with my family. My mom says everything is ok there and he is in the hospital until atleast Tuesday. Of course with it being a holiday weekend they will not run tests until Tues.

I'm worried for both him and my baby. If he takes a turn for the worse I will pick up and go. For now I'm trying to stay calm and take it easy.

Goodbye Car

2009-05-04T10:29:00.002-07:00

When it comes to cars we have been very fortunate the last couple of years. Both of our current cars were given to us. However my Buick is on it's last leg. After sinking $400 into it the last few months, we found out that to pass emmissions it would require another $400 in work. So we have decided to donate my Buick, maybe they can fix it up cheaper or use the 3 new parts that we just replaced. Either way it just got to be too much.

Now we can concentrate on fixing the steering column on the Taurus, and the doors, and the a/c, and the heat.

Lucky for us Raul just work across the street from our neighborhood. For now I can drop him and his boss can give him a ride home.

Mom says

2009-04-29T12:31:00.002-07:00

So we are talking about registering for our baby shower and one thing I think would really be helpful is a garage door opener. However, Mom says that I can't register at Lowes! Okay I guess I need a crib more than a garage door opener. It sure would of been nice though.

Check it out for yourself

2009-04-23T18:45:00.002-07:00

Okay so I know some people that are on WIC. So, I figured they know what they are talking about. However, I decided to go ahead and take a look at the web site myself and low and behold, after the baby is born and I'm no longer working, we will be able to qualify. Yah! Huge burden lifted!

Finally...

2009-04-10T11:33:00.003-07:00

We went back into the Ob's office today and had a vaginal ultrasound. They finally gave a firm date. I am 6 weeks and 2 days along today. The due date is December 2nd.

First visit

2009-04-08T11:19:00.004-07:00

Well I had my first OB/Gyn visit today. My doctor was out delivering a baby, so we didn't get to meet him. They did an ultrasound and say I look 6 weeks. On friday I go back and have a more in depth ultrasound done. For now she was like, here is the sack where the baby will grow.

MY FIRST BORN

2009-04-03T13:09:00.004-07:00

Take me - a different kind of survey for a change - it's all about your first born! Just copy and paste it in a new note for yourself! Let's see how much you remember!

1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? Yes

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? Yes

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS? So happy!

4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU? HELLO...planned!

5. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 18

6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? We had wanted to get pregnant. So the first day of my missed period we did a pregnancy test.

7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? Don't remember. Probably my friends.

8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? Yes, but only did because there were complications and they did another ultrasound.

9. DUE DATE? June 8, 1994

10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? Yes

11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? KFC original chicken and mashed potatoes w/gravy.

12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? Anything to do with my husband.

13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX? Boy

14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING? No

15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY? I actually lost weight the first 5 months, then they put me on bedrest and I gained close to 40 lbs.

16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? Yes

17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW? I knew.

18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? Yes

19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? Good Samaritan Hospital

20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? 7 1/2

21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? Raul

22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? A nurse, 2 doctors, way too many med students, and my husband.

23. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? Natural

24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? Yes

27. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 7lbs 3.2 oz

28. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN ? Monday, June 13, 1994 @ 6:01pm

30. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? Kenneth Xavier Gomez

31. HOW OLD IS YOUR FIRST BORN TODAY? My Kenny is 14.

Really?

2009-04-03T13:02:00.002-07:00

I didn't even know you could find out that you were pregnant so early. The doctor just called and said that I am about 3-4 weeks pregnant.

He also is referring me to an ob/gyn that specializes in high risk pregnancies.
Raul, the ever optomistic one, says that he thinks I will be on bed rest the last couple of months. Well, I refuse! I will not get morning sickness and EVERYTHING will be just great.

Is it to early to pick out names? We already did. Wanna know them???
I better ask Raul before I go telling people.

Did I tell you...

2009-03-30T19:00:00.003-07:00

Did I? Did I mention that I am pregnant? After trying for the better part of 15 years, we are finally expecting our second child!!!

I must say that even though we have been actively trying again, I was shocked. Raul is HAPPY, it's cute.

Favorites pt. 1

2009-03-21T08:54:00.005-07:00

I have a lot of favorite Kenny pictures, here is one I came across last night. We were up Christmas morning and here he is brushing his hair. This is one of those times that a parent is proud their child can do things independently and at the same time feel sad that their "baby" is growing up so fast.

Although this isn't my favorite picture of my Mom.(I think the one I like best is in her photo album) This picture reminds me of a time we were so close. My Mommy was my world, I look up to her, respect her, and idolize her. She was the center of my universe. It wasn't until recently that I realized that just as much as our children are the center of our universe, we are the center of their's.

Here we have one of the many school pics I have of myself. I like this one best. I loved when my Mom did my hair this way. This shirt was so cute. Most of all I got to wear for that day my Mommy's bracelets, this made me feel so special.

Lastly here is a photo of a very sweet little boy that I babysat. His name is Davy. I used to watch both him and his brother, John, for his Grandma. I loved all the times I got to spend with them but my favorite was when we would walk to the park they would sing "Jesus Loves Me." This always melted my heart.

A day out

2009-03-17T10:02:00.005-07:00

Yesterday I went to the World Wildlife Zoo & Aquarium. It was my friend Stephanie, her two oldest, Peter and Stephanie, and myself. It was a blast!

The aquarium is a new addition to one of my favorite places to go. When my parents took us Kenny loved feeding the parrots. I enjoy feeding the giraffes. I couldn't believe I got a close-up picture of the jaguar.

However my NEW favorite is the Poison Dart Frogs! Anyone that knows me well, knows that that I LOVE poison dart frogs especially the blue and black ones!

We even got to have lunch at the Tiburon Restuarant inside the aquarium!

An angry little boy

2009-03-14T09:40:00.003-07:00

Kenny does not like the changes going on in our house lately. When we brought home the cat it made him very unhappy. He told me that I should take her back. His jealousy towards this little fluff ball shocked me.

As you all know we would like to have more children. Basically my whole happiness has been wrapped up in MY ability to have another child. However seeing Kenny's reaction to the animals has me thinking, that maybe he couldn't handle the change in our lives.

If Kenny was your average boy, I wouldn't be as concerned. But when the cat was missing we entertained the thought that maybe Kenny had something to do with it. Now we just don't know.

For a little while...

2009-03-13T21:34:00.002-07:00

For a few hours today I had a doggy. I found a stray and brought him home. He was so excited and happy. He played with me and gave me kisses. I just ate it up.

However Kenny DID NOT like the dog. He was jealous. He also did not like the dog, much like all other living things, in his space.

So when I went back to work Ms. Jane said that she would of liked the dog as a playmate for her puppy, so I gave her my address and Raul's number and she now has a new doggy.

It was fun while I had him but Kenny comes first. Which leads us to my next post.

Our Skitty...

2009-03-05T00:00:00.002-07:00

So we got a kitty the other day. I desperately want something to love and cuddle with. So we knew that the cat was shy and that I have very little patience. Still when she kept hiding I of course got upset. THEN she just disappeared. It drove us nuts. I stayed up late one night looking for her and when I went to bed at 2am I woke up Raul. So, he got out of bed to get a drink and saw something go up under the sink area. So he felt up under and could not find a hole.

So by this time I was on the couch and he comes in and says that he must be seeing things. He told me what he saw and that there was no hole. I went in and got on the floor and sure enough there was a gap and that's where she was.

She stayed there for days, only coming out when we slept. On day Raul surprised her and she ran but not for her usual spot. So we were finally able to block the hole.

After that I was determined to be more patient and it is paying off. She still isn't all snuggly but she does come out and look around and we can even bribe her with treats and pet her alittle.

So nice

2009-03-02T11:11:00.001-07:00

Well I finally broke down and went and did one of my favorite things. I got my nails done!

Since I no longer work 2 jobs and we do not have the extra cash we used to, I have curbed my spending on my nails.

However, I am so glad I went 'cause my toes turned out soooooooo cute!

One more thing

2009-02-22T08:21:00.002-07:00

I have decided not to homeschool Kenny next year. I will be starting the search for the appropriate school for him at the beginning of March.

The right time

2009-02-22T08:08:00.002-07:00

So we bought the ovulation kit. We hope it aids us in our quest to have another child.

So, Raul's boss is coming back. He left a few months ago. At first he claimed that he was going to quit. Then his regional boss talked Raul's boss into taking family leave instead. He packed up his things and moved to California. So Raul has been here doing the boss' job for 3 months with no compensation. *grumbles*

Well his boss comes back in a couple of weeks. Can't wait for Raul not to have to go in on Saturdays or Mondays anymore!

Referrals

2009-02-19T18:53:00.002-07:00

So the other day the doctor said that he would get some referrals sent out on behalf of Kenny. We are still trying to get a firm diagnoses on him. We have yet to receive the referrals ans Raul called the insurance company and they said that a referral is not need. So tomorrow I need to call the doctor.

I was doing research the other day and found that we are 30 times more likely to have another child on the autistic spectrum. This seems kind of odd to me since doctors don't even know what causes autism.

This last month

2009-02-17T20:13:00.002-07:00

Okay so this last month was the month we started trying to get pregnany again. After being diagnosed with diabetes we stopped trying because of the mediacation they put me on. Then a couple of months ago I had the doctor change my meds so that we could start trying again.

We told ourselves and each other that we wouldn't get our hopes up. However we still found ourselves in the baby section at the Walmart everytime we went shopping.

I go back in to talk with the doctor next week.

I will be looking up more info on the internet about ovulation prediction kits.

Changing direction

2009-02-15T23:15:00.003-07:00

I am changing direction with my blog. It will be dedicated to all things to do with our final try at having more children.

Not many people in our lives know how painful this journey has been for us. We have shut people out just so we didn't have to share this personal struggle.

We have had to endure the, when questions, the why haven't you questions, and the comments about raising and only child.

I have decided that we will share with those that are closest or should be closest to us, the everyday ups and downs of this final attempt at getting pregnant and carrying to term.

If we are unsuccessful in this endeavor then we will be looking into adoption. We have discussed this option for many years and finally feel that all three of us are ready to open up our home and hearts to a child or children that are in need of both.

I will be sharing the impact that all of our struggles have and do effect our choices to expand our family. From Kenny's Autism/Asperger's disorder/PDD-NOS( http://autism.about.com/od/whatisautism/f/whatishfa.htm )to my mental illness and diabetes.

So here we go.

Saturday plans

2009-01-16T22:09:00.000-07:00

We are actually going out of Buckeye tomorrow. Since we moved into our house we don't make it very far from home anymore. So, Raul and myself are going to the movies and then to a Rock Band party.

Dreams

2009-01-02T11:31:00.002-07:00

I've been remembering a lot of my dreams as of late. So I have researching on the internet as to why we dream and what is the purpose of dreams. It seems that there are no definitive answers to these questions.

Two days!

2008-12-31T00:01:00.002-07:00

Again this week I have two days off. Yah for extra days off! Coincidentally when you hold up two fingers it makes a peace sign. So I will make the most of my two days and enjoy the peace.

2009

2008-12-30T23:23:00.003-07:00

As we rapidly approach the new year. I wonder what new joys it will bring. What is in the cards for us? Well what ever it will bring we wish you and yours all the best in the coming year.

Ugh...

2008-12-03T22:35:00.002-07:00

So the doctor changed my meds a couple of weeks ago and just as I was getting used to them I came down with this cold. So, I've been trying to rest. However I have a tendency to sleep to long then wake up with low blood sugar. When I am awake my blood sugar is high. Anyways yesterday my sinuses were all dry and it seemed to have triggered a minor migraine. I finally made my way down to the restroom at work, got sick. The florescent lights in the bathroom were killing my head. Made my way back to our room, kids were all gone, so we left. Got to the car, felt like throwing up again. Well suppressed that urge. Almost didn't make it home. Felt sick, head was killing me, was shaking, and when I got home my blood sugar was at 60. With candy in mouth got in the shower, gave up on standing, laid bath for a while in the dark. Finally got out and used my tea kettle for steam to rehydrate my sinuses and about a half hour later I started to feel better. So, how was your day?

Our first hockey game...

2008-12-03T22:31:00.002-07:00

On Saturday night Raul and I went to our first hockey game. For those of you that know my husband this was quite a feet. So, to please me he went and guess what? We had a good time. We also won free tickets. The first pair of tickets we received from my boss, luckily she says she can get me three tickets to a game in January. Then Kenny can go with us.

The Zoo!

2008-12-03T22:30:00.002-07:00

Kenny loved feeding the birds. The day went okay, upset tummy and all. He would like to go back with his Daddy. Hopefully we will do this early next year, right after they open the aquarium and log ride...Kenny LOVES log rides.

Going to the Zoo!

2008-11-25T01:04:00.003-07:00

Pooma and Grandpa are in town so of course they must spoil the grandchild. So Thursday we will be treated to a day at the AZ World Wildlife Zoo. This will be Kenny's first visit to this particular zoo.

Early Thanksgiving...

2008-11-25T01:02:00.001-07:00

Well Sunday morning we did our now yearly trip to Uncle Dave's house for Aunt Gail's early Thankgiving celebration. Mom and Dad of course came down. It was a fairly small family affair of maybe twenty.

YAH!

2008-11-22T21:29:00.002-07:00

Our house warming was today. Lotsa people. So happy!

You are getting sleepy...

2008-11-20T00:06:00.002-07:00

I went to the doctor on Monday and he changed my medications. Now I find myself sleepy all the time. I am hoping that this feeling will pass in a couple of weeks.

Been looking for...

2008-11-03T14:18:00.003-07:00

this picture for over a year now! So I called both Grandma and Mom and asked if they had any pictures of me and my cousins together. They both said no. However when I got to my parents house Mom had one. So here is Jennifer, Leila, and myself. As far as I know this is the only picture with all of us together.

Secret mission...

2008-10-07T19:01:00.004-07:00

Well last year we went up to Colorado for my Dad's 50th birthday party. This year we are here for my Mom's BIG 50 bash.

It was an awesome trip. Probably the best time of year to be there. The trees were just changing color, so there was a lot of red and yello leaves.

I got to spend only a very small amount of time with my parents. However I did get a lot of time with my sis and Phoenix.

I did get one day with Mom. She took me to the casino and we played the penny slots. It was fun, I had never been to a casino before

Sunday...

2008-09-15T10:24:00.002-07:00

I was late for church on Sunday. Stayed up too late playing Rock Band. Didn't pay attention during classes either instead paid attention to the adorable little girl I have pictured above.

First guests

2008-09-15T10:15:00.002-07:00

We had our first guests over this weekend. Raul, Adelaida, and Samy came over for a couple hours on Saturday. It was nice.

15 years

2008-08-26T20:31:00.003-07:00

This last weekend we celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. It's strange because we don't feel old enough for it to have been this long. It seems as if it was only a couple years ago that we graduated from high school. Now we've been together 17 years and have a 14 year old son. Wow, fifteen years...

NEW HOUSE

2008-08-26T20:04:00.002-07:00

We did it! WE ARE MOVING!!! YEAH! Tomorrow we close on our house. I'm just so happy, excited, terrified and so many other things at this moment. So much I could write but instead I'll just post this pic and say goodnight.

My Mother says I'm crazy...

2008-08-12T22:39:00.005-07:00

but Kenny's almost all grown! Those were the actual words when I told here that we want to have a couple more children. I used to think that having children after thirty years of age was crazy. Maybe it is. All I know is that more than anything at this moment I want more children and it feels like the right choice. I mean if we can finally have more little ones like the cutie in this picture...look at that face, could you say no?

STRESSED!

2008-08-05T18:27:00.002-07:00

It's almost back to school time. I have had a million and one things to do. Things at work are all screwy this year! Nothing seems organized. My big issue is they are not backing me on following DHS rules and regulations! These are mandated! MUST be followed! The DHS reports are posted online, as a director my name goes on these as the person in charge of my site. I don't want to be putting my booty on the line for my bosses. I do not want to take part in giving subpar childcare!

Anyways, Kenny starts school next week! We have recieved NO supplies! Oh well!

P.S.- I do not lack faith that all will work out, I just like to B****!

Head east...

2008-07-26T14:12:00.000-07:00

well I should really be in bed. I have a flight to catch at 6:30a.m. I just can't seem to unwind. First off, I still fear flying (just a little), I'm going farther than I ever have from home, and this will be the longest I've ever been from my son. I know everything will be fine, I just worry.

On my marry way...

2008-07-22T21:21:00.002-07:00

I'm training up in Surprise for the next couple of weeks. So in the morning I go to the Rec. center and get the car or the van and leave for my class. Well this morning I got the car and about 5 miles from the Rec. it started shaking and making this loud CHUNKCHUNKCHUNK sound and just died. I coasted over to the turn lane and stopped because I didn't have enough momentum to make it through the turn. The truck behind me got mad, cursed and honked at me, and then went around. I did finally get it started long enough to make it into the parking lot in front of OfficeMax. The boss lady had to come get me. Surprisingly I was only 30 minutes late for class. So, there you have it. A day in the life of ME!

The cutest thing ever...

2008-07-21T06:36:00.002-07:00

is my nephew Phoenix!!!

Finally have a real picture of him.

Frustrated

2008-07-21T06:34:00.001-07:00

The house thing hit a bump! This is frustrating and long. I'm tired of spending so much to live out here. Gas prices alone might kill us!

Changes...

2008-06-30T19:35:00.005-07:00

we find out about our house soon...I hope. Either way we are moving in August. We are ready for a new chapter in our lives and would like someplace else to start it.

Kenny will be home schooled this year, I pray that we make it through the year.....alive.

This will be the first year in 9 years that I haven't spent my days working in/for an elementary school. Yes, I'm still there before and after for rec. however, rec. is different than school.

Also as I continue to lose weight we hopefully get closer to the goal of having more children. I never thought that I would even consider having more children in my mid to late 30's or 15-16 years after our first/only child. Yet here we are seriously contemplating it! Side note: Did you know we made my Mom a Grandma at the ripe ol' age of 34!

Just because

2008-06-21T19:33:00.001-07:00

Check out this link!

http://www.myspace.com/imvotingrepublican

2008-06-08T02:37:00.002-07:00

You Are Snow White!

Pure and trusting. You are a gentle soul who can get along with just about anyone. Everyone you meet instantly falls in love with you. How can they resist? You have a pure, lovable nature that' s irresistable. Just don't trust everyone who comes across your path.

Oh craaaaaa..............

2008-06-05T18:13:00.003-07:00

The other day I thought it would be a hoot to go look at houses. So me and my friend took her children and headed out to look. I came across this sweet little house right near my husbands workplace. Well I decided to go ahead and show it to him as well and now here we are seriously looking like we might get it. When I think about it I still shake a little but the hyperventilating has subsided. Anyways here's a link, http://www.drhorton.com/corp/GetFloorPlan.do?dv=E8&pr=43914&pl=1157004 , have a look.

A horrible dodgeball accident...

2008-05-18T10:41:00.002-07:00

I know what could go wrong during a game of dodgeball. It was only adults and we were using gatorballs, they are soft. There I was having the time of my life, I don't usually play dodgeball, a guy threw the ball at me. I jumped up to not get hit. I go get a couple of balls, I get in a good spot, take my first ball, pull my arm up and back and throw....then white blinding pain. So what started off as a fun day of training turned into an embarrassing painful day with a side trip to the hospital. You wondering what happened? Well I dislocated my shoulder. Yep a dislocated shoulder playing dodgeball! Well I have to go to the doctor again today, so I'll post more later.

Copy Cat

2008-05-18T10:13:00.002-07:00

1. Typically, what time do you wake up? My alarm goes off at 4:30 a.m. so naturally I roll out of bed about 5a.m.

2. On a good night, what time are your kids in bed? 9:30 pm. At 13 you think he would be sneakier about staying up but he still does the I have to go to the restroom, I need a drink thing.

3. How long have you been a mommy? It seems like forever. It's been 14 glorious years now.

4. How old were you when you became a mom? 18

5. What is your favorite kids T.V show? It's been a number of years since I have really watched on, but Sesame Street has Elmo's World and I love Elmo's World!

6. What is your least favorite kids T.V. show? I don't know if they still show Teletubbies but I can not stand that show!

7. What is your favorite chore? Mowing the lawn. However we don't have one.

8. What is your favorite meal to cook? Spagetti

9. What meal do you cook most often? I haven't cooked at all this last 9 months. Before that it was hamburgers.

10. What is your kids favorite meal? Burgers

11. What is your favorite thing your husband does with your kids? I love it when Raul goes into Kenny's room and plays with him and talks with him.

12. What are 5 things that make you smile when you’re being a mom? Whenever Kenny is happy. When he is being silly. Hearing other people describe my son. Watching him sleep. Listening to Kenny play, he is quite animated and a bit loud.

13. If you could take your kids anywhere, where would it be? Japan, Kenny really wants to go.

14. When was the last time you went out without your kids? Well he is 13 years old, so we get out alone every weekend.

15. What is your favorite pastime/activity to do with your kids? Going to the movies.

16. Name one thing you said you would never say as a mother? I swear that I will never call my son an asshole. Yep as a child I was called one.

17. Name something you do, that your own mom did? Love my child with all my heart.

18. What is your favorite quality your mom has? Her strength.

19. What is your favorite kids book? Marvin K. Mooney, will you please go now!

20. What is your favorite advice for new moms? I don't have an answer for this.

21. What is your most heartbreaking moment as a mom? Sending my Kenny to school for the first time.

22. What is your most joyful moment being a mom? The first time I felt Kenny move inside me.

23. When was the last time you told one of your kids, “I Love You”? A few minutes ago.

24. When was the last time you were told, “I love you” by one of your kids? A few minutes ago.

Aunt Marge

2008-04-27T14:11:00.000-07:00

It's been a few weeks now since my Aunt Marge passed away. As a child I loved spending time with Aunt Marge, she was always one of my favorite people. As an adult I treasured the few times I got to see her. She had been sick for awhile and on my last visit home I was so wrapped up in my sister and soon to be born nephew, Phoenix, that visiting her was an afterthought. I wanted to go visit her the morning we were set to head back to Arizona, however she had a paricularly bad night so Grandma thought it was best if we didn't go. I regret this decision. I hate myself for not staying another day to try again.

For awhile now...

2008-04-27T14:09:00.000-07:00

I have been sick. I thought maybe it was the 2 jobs and too much stress. My symptoms were light headedness, headaches, and nausea. At my last doctors visit some tests were ran and I have been dianosed with type 2 diabetes. I gotta say this sucks. So, I'm now on medication and have spent a good deal of time figuring out what I can and can't have. I can now easily stay with in the proper glucose levels. On the other hand, some days a big plate af spaghetti or a simple chocolate bar are almost more temptation than I can take. I have a wonderful support system at work, but not at home, so weekends are the hardest. I still have the tiredness, maybe I have one too many jobs. I look forward to the summer and shorter hours.

Jennifer Lynn

2007-10-29T04:30:00.000-07:00

Jennifer Lynn Aragon 1976-2007

Jennifer Lynn Aragon, 30, of Cheyenne died Oct. 25 in Cheyenne.

She was born Dec. 28, 1976, in Cheyenne.

She is survived by her husband, Mike Aragon of Cheyenne; stepsons, Isaac Aragon, Isaiah Aragon, Zechariah Aragon, all of Cheyenne; a stepdaughter, Jazmin Aragon of Cheyenne; father, Jesse Martinez of Spring Creek, Nev.; mother, Jerry Denis of Canon City, Colo.; siblings, Joel of Reno, Nev., Leila of Cheyenne, Eloisa of Richmond, Va.; grandparents, Frank and Corina Martinez of Cheyenne and Frank and Viola Addington of Canon City; two nieces; several aunts, uncles and cousins.

I like the pretty lights...

2007-07-30T20:33:00.001-07:00

Well I've been here in Pennsylvania for 3 days now. I'm having an awesome time. Tonight we went to the fair, watched the parade and the fireworks. We were up close to the fireworks, within a hundred feet or so. It's been great being here with Amelia. I miss her dearly, but this seems to have been a good move for both her and Joe. Love them, love being here, but I miss my boys.

15 and change...

2007-07-23T20:10:00.000-07:00

It's was some 15 years and change. We were both 15 and head over heals. We had snuck off campus and headed to the park down the street. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach. I knew that it would be the day, the day of my first kiss. There had been other boys that had tried. I had always backed away. With him It was different. The difference was I thought I was in love. When we got to the park, we walked up this little hill. I still remember how nervous I was. I remember looking into his eyes and losing myself there. Then came the kiss. It was everything I had ever hoped for, everything I knew it should be. To this day he holds a piece of my heart. And sometimes when I close my eyes and think of that day I can still feel the butterflies, the touch of his lips and how it felt to lose part of myself in his eyes.

2007-05-31T20:06:00.000-07:00

"Oh Very Young" by Cat Stevens

Oh very young

What will you leave us this time

Youre only dancing on this earth for a short while

And though your dreams may toss and turn you now

They will vanish away like your daddys best jeans

Denim Blue fading up to the sky

And though you want him to last forever

You know he never will

(You know he never will)

And the patches make the goodbye harder still

Oh very young

What will you leave us this time

There'll never be a better chance to change your mind

And if you want this world to see a better day

Will you carry the words of love with you

Will you ride the great white bird into heaven

And though you want to last forever

You know you never will

(You know you never will)

And the goodbye makes the journey harder still

Oh very young

What will you leave us this time

Youre only dancing on this earth for a short while

Oh very young

What will you leave us this time

10 million dollars

2007-04-27T20:18:00.000-07:00

Stephen R. Jasinski Elementary School will open in the fall of 2007. No longer will our darling kindergartners have to use a roach infested restrooms or play on equipment that has been graffitied by the behavior class. Nope, for these lucky 100+ students we will be in a 10 million dollar school. Large classrooms, in class restrooms, and a playground right outside their class door are just a few of the things they will have. They will have the worlds best principal, one Mr. Corey Christiaens. On board are two of the finest teachers I have ever met, Jane Lotts and Tonya Kemmer. I have the honor of joining what promises to be an amazing staff.

Today we got to go mark our territory. lol. On the cement where our flooring shall lay, we spray painted our names. We also got to choose our classrooms.

Well in case you haven't noticed I am excited and very happy. For those of you close to me, you know that my job is anything but work, it is a passion for me. In the year to come I see many wonderful things. I pray that all my friends and family will be as blessed as I am.

Have I lost my mind?

2007-04-16T18:01:00.000-07:00

Maybe. We have decided to have another child. We know our son is almost thirteen and we would lose time together, time alone, and time to sleep. However we are going for it. I want two more, Raul wants one. Anyways, I'm excited.

2007-03-27T20:49:00.000-07:00

As I said in my profile I have a job that I love working with Kindergarteners. We just returned from Spring Break and I gotta say, I missed the kids so much. I have recently visited my niece Phiona and there is just something about kids their age. Their exuberance and belief that all is well in the world is just amazing Anyways, here are some pictures of the little devils, oops I mean angels.

Not yet enough...

2007-03-26T19:28:00.000-07:00

I have my livejournal, I have my myspace, so why not one more place for me to rattle on about nothing. I'm starting this blog, well, just because. Just a little something about things going on here out in Neverland (Buckeye).